This is when I was skinny and had hair. FML, why did cafeteria’s food make me so effing fat?! Maybe when I stop eating at school I’ll go back down…
Even when I was this weight I still had a donk… So I’d still have curves, I just want to look like this again! Meh!
I used to be able to suck my stomach up under my ribs and freak people out. Now it just hangs all over the place. Why, hormones, why!!!
Maybe it’s also because I actually eat now…
One good thing…
about having whatever I had that made me throw up everything I’d eaten and then be too dehydrated and nauseous to eat anything for the next two days besides half a poptart and (finally) a foot long subway sandwich is that I can now fit into my size 5 pants again. And might I add… COMFORTABLY. Like… sans-lovehandles. I’m really enjoying this and I don’t want to take them off just because I know that when I go back to eating like a normal person again it will become a short lived relationship between me and these old pants.
I feel disgusted with myself. A lot of shit happened today and I was a real jerk and a real big baby about basically everything. And then I went and bleached and toned my hair again like I always do when something upsets me. But I don’t cut anymore, which is something that I’m still really proud of.
I didn’t eat anything today except for one snack and then dinner, which was healthy. And I’m disgusted with myself. Did I mention that?
05. Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
I’m trying to lose weight because none of my pants fit me anymore. I’ve got 2 new pairs of pants that I can wear and I really don’t want to have to buy any more new ones. I’ve been wearing sweatpants pretty much constantly. I just want to be the size that I’ve always been until recently. I just want to be… normal me. For me. I don’t give a flying fuck what other people say or think about my weight or how I look. I just want to be happy with myself for me.